Saturday, May 14, 2011
Happy(?) Mother's Day
Last Sunday, May 8, 2011, we have celebrated mother's day. Have you greeted your mom that day and thanked her for everything she did for you and the whole family? As for my own mother, I was unable to greet her personally because she's already in Heaven. How I wish she's still here. How I wish I can still greet her whenever she celebrates her birthday. How I wish I can still be with her every mother's day. Yeah, being with her now can never happen... I can only talk and be with her in my heart, in my mind, in my dream.
Aside from Mama, there are three women who are important to me whom I want to greet "A Happy Mother's Day" last Sunday, but I was also unable to do it due to different reasons. If you're my close friend, I'm sure you know who these mothers are. Take note, these three mothers are still alive. Do you want to know why I didn't had the chance to greet them? Read on...
Let's call the first mother as mother A or MA. Actually, I have all the chance to greet her that day, but I can't. Why? Because I know she's not happy and she can never be...as long as "the person" (or shall I say "the reason") of her misery is still alive. I will not mention the name of that person and I will never give you a hint about that person. In fact, I can't even tell you whether that person is a male or a female. (Hope you understand why I can't reveal the name or any description of that person).
MA had been in such a miserable life since 2006. Since then, the situation never gets better for her. Instead, the situation just gets even worse as time passes by. I want to help her. I really want to. BUT I can't. It breaks my heart seeing her everyday with her sacrifices and heartaches. (Oh, by the way, it's been just a few weeks ago since I found out what's going on with her life. Before, I thought she's in good hands, happily living with her family, together with her husband and two kids.)
I really want to greet MA a Happy Mother's Day, but I can't because it will just remind her how unhappy she is now. I want to cheer her up but chose not to do so because I'm afraid I can't do it completely. I don't want to give her "just a temporary happiness." If I would make her happy, I want it to be everlasting.
On the other hand, let's call the second mother as mother B or MB. I have no chance to greet her personally because we're not seeing each other everyday. In fact, I can't even remember the last time we saw each other. Oh, just kidding! (Smile!) I also can't greet her through text because I don't know her number. Besides, I no longer want to hear mean words from her. I'm sure she will just reply my text with such words, so I didn't even bother to get her number.
I and MB used to be friends (or at least, we're not enemies). I mean, dati naman, we're okay. Nag-uusap kami about anything-- tungkol sa buhay niya, buhay ko, buhay namin. There are times when I got close with MB. We have discussed and discovered so many things about each other. We've shared secrets. We had dreams for each other. Shared sad and happy times. Laugh when we talk in person and by phone. In short, we have so many experiences together. Sadly, there's a possibility that such experiences will no longer happen and they will just remain as MEMORIES.
One time, I made a simple mistake that changed everything. Yeah, as in everything between us. That mistake changed our relationship and the way she treat me, the way she understand me, the way she look at me, the way she see things around us, the way she handle situations between us. I tried my best to fix our conflict but it didn't work. If only I could turn back the time, I would never do that "mistake" again. Never. Never. Never. (Though I know that mistake is not intentional. Really.)
Sometimes, I wish that DORAEMON really exists. Because if he does, I can have everything I want. Yes, I know it's stupid to think about stuffs like that. I know DORAEMON is just a big JOKE (as one of my co-worker once said). But I can't help it. There are also times when I wish I'm NOBITA. I know that if I'm Nobita, Doraemon's best friend, at least, I would have the chance to use a TIME MACHINE.
I'm sure, you already have an idea why I want to use a time machine. But I will still say out loud the reason why I want it... I want to use TIME MACHINE to go back to the past and correct my mistakes. If only I could turn back the time, I will never let MB go away from me. She's still alive but I feel like one of us is already dead. I made a simple mistake. We had a fight. And because of that fight, we've hurt each other so much. I no longer want to recall the root of our fight. All I want now is peace between us. But how can peace stand between us if she don't want to reconcile with me? I've already explained my side. I'm already tired of apologizing to something just to make peace with her. I'm fed up! I can no longer stand it! I'm already tired of understanding her and considering her feelings. How about mine? Don't I deserve respect and understanding?
Despite of what's she's doing, I still love her. She's been a part of my life and will always be (whether she like it or not). No matter how disrespectful she is to me, I still miss her and our bondings. Deep inside my heart, I'm still hoping she would consider reviving our good relationship. I'm still hoping she would text me one day and admit it's not only me who have made mistakes. I still want to believe that the bond we had before will be restored one day.
Perhaps, you would ask me why I'm just waiting for her to do the first move when in fact, I can do it myself. Well, I'm already tired of doing it. Every time we're having a conflict, I'm the only one who always make effort to fix it. This time, I want to feel my importance to her. I want to know if she really want to make peace with me or she's just forced when I'm making the first move. This time, I want to prove my worth. I want her to realize I'm also human who also gets fed up. I'm not a robot who can act as if nothing happened after hearing hurtful words from her.
If she doesn't need me in her life, fine! Even if it hurts me so badly, I'll accept it. If that's the only thing that would make her happy, then go. I don't care. Basta ako, andito lang para sa kanya. Naghihintay lang ako sa paglapit niya.
Meanwhile, I'll call the third mother (whom I want to greet last mother's day) as mother C or MC. I and MC spent a number of years together. I'm with her when she got sick few years ago. I'm with her with her when her mother died. And I'm still with her when she got married.
I'm not with her when she gave birth to her first baby (who happens to be my inaanak) or even to her second baby. But I never left her. I've always been there for her, supporting and understanding. I know her problems, simple and difficult. I helped and supported her, emotionally and sometimes, financially. I can say that I've been kind to her and will always be, as long as she wants me in her life.
Unlike MB, MC is kind to me. When we had misunderstanding and she knows it's her fault, MC do the first move to fix the problem. She'd never said "I'M SORRY" but her actions clearly shows what she want: PEACE between us. I can confidently say that MC and I were okay. We're friends. Close friends.
The reason why I was unable to greet her last Sunday is very simple: her cellphone is out of reach. But I'm sure, alam naman niyang wish ko ang happiness niya that day at sa mga susunod pang araw.
Ang saya sana kung nabati ko ang tatlong nanay na mahahalaga sa buhay ko, 'no? Pero okay lang. Sa isip ko, binati ko na sila ng maraming-maraming beses, hehehe. Saka, sabi nga ni Kuya Kim, Ang buhay ay weather-weather lang, di ba? Malay natin, bukas okay na ang lahat. Malay ko, bukas nakawala na si MA sa buhay na kinalalagyan niya ngayon. Malay ko, bukas okay na ulit kami ni MB. Malay ko, bukas mayaman na si MC lagi na silang may kuryente para di na papatay-patay ang phone niya, hehehe.
To all mothers out there, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY po. May God Bless Us All ALWAYS...