There are some saying that we should not find reasons to love someone and I really agree with that saying. However, there are times when I can't keep myself from thinking about the reasons why I keep myself committed to this person. I have considered leaving him or breaking up with him so many times, but I always end up with him.
I'm pretty sure I don't have any feeling for him when we become an item. All I know at that time is I like having someone who'll text me every now and then, asking how's my day, what's my problem, etc. I must admit, I gradually learned to like his company and appreciate his efforts. That's the time when I start to open up my heart and give him a chance to be a part of my boring life.
If you are going to ask me when did I realized I'm already in love with him, this is my answer: It was when he took vacation (temporarily left his work) and returned here in Bicol. He dropped by in Polangui (where I am studying in College) before he went to their home. When we meet there (at Centro Polangui), that's the only time when I realized I already love him. That's the first time I told him how much I missed him (from the bottom of my heart).
Since then, I became so expressive with my feelings for him. I started telling him how much I love and miss him each time we text with each other. I also started telling my sisters about him. That's the time when I knew how it feels to be "really" in love and to be loved back. Yes, I think that's the right term. I had a long-time crush before and I think I already fell in love with him, but it seems he never know I exists. We know each other, but for him, I'm just his simple classmate. Whenever I remember him, my long-time crush, I can feel no regret at all. Wanna know why? Because his behavior towards me, I mean, the way he treated me, just made me realize that he's not the guy for me; that we're not meant to be; that I deserve someone much better than him. At the end, thanks Heavens, I realized that I didn't actually fell in love with him - it was just a simple crush.
Actually, Ace is my second boyfriend. I don't know why my relationship with my first boyfriend didn't work, but one thing is for sure: I never get hurt when we broke up. I even felt relieved after we stopped communicating with each other. Actually, we didn't had a formal break-up. We just lost our communication. That's all.
As for Ace, we started as friends and remained friends until now. Since I have no brother and he's five years older than me, I sometimes consider him as my "kuya" --- sounds weird, right? I'm so happy because I found someone like him - not a perfect boyfriend, but at least, a good one. Yes, I admit we had several fights, but even if we are facing troubles, I know he still loves me. Sometimes, I want to keep from being too confident with his feelings for me, but what can I do? That's what I feel.
I think, the greatest trial we had ever encountered was what happened on the last quarter of 2008. I thought, I am going to lose him, but thanks, God - we're still together. I still cried each time I remember that fight, but at the same time, I'm thankful. After that fight, we tried so hard to revive our relationship and it worked.
As of now, we still had some misunderstanding, but as much as possible, I don't want to take them seriously. I don't want the problems to reflect on my face, haha. I just hope Ace would always remember how much I love him. I may sometimes get attracted with cute and sweet guys I meet, but he have nothing to worry - I still belong to him and will always be, unless he give me enough reason to leave him.
So, why do I love him? Because he's one of the people who never stop loving and understanding me even if we're not in good terms. Of course, one of the biggest factors is the fact that he accepts me - he respects me and my beliefs. He likes my family and vice versa. Most of all, he's not like the other guys who will leave the girl if they still don't get "what most men want" after four years. Yes, he loved me that much and he's willing to wait the right time for that "thing." I know some girls would criticize me or would think I'm playing-hard-to-get type, but I'm not. I just want to preserve myself. (Nagpi-preserve nga tayo ng electricity, sarili pa, di ba?) Besides, I want to be a good example not only to my younger sisters, but also to all the youths. I am so glad he's always with me, willing to support and understand my views in life.
I don't know kung kami na talaga sa future. Basta ang alam ko, happy ako with him. Hope nothing will change between us, Ace.
To my one and only Ace, happy 51st monthsary. May God Bless us always. I love and miss you. Hope to see you, soon...